Entering the Cocoon

I'll be honest.  Moving to Alaska was not an easy decision and even though we are here now, it still doesn't feel quite "right" in a way.  After going back and forth for months about whether to stay in Tacoma or move up to Alaska, it ultimately made the most sense to move up here, primarily for medical care financial reasons, but leaving Tacoma felt really bad for a lot of other reasons.  

In almost every other decision I've made, I've been the sole person involved.  It's easy that way, because the decision affects me and no one else, so it really simplifies the decision making process and how I feel after making the decision is very straightforward.  This was one decision that really makes me feel like I made the right decision logically, but I know that it affects Dan much more negatively than me.  My job is mobile, Anchorage is my hometown, my family lives here, my medical care is affordable here.  For Dan, he's leaving a place he grew up, all his friends, his job, the house we bought and cared for.  So my confidence that I made the right decision for my medical care and pregnancy/newborn support is twinged with a lot of guilt and heartache surrounding what feels like tearing my husband away from a place he very much loves.  And while I know that it was a decision we made together, I feel a lot of responsibility for causing the move.

And, to be frank, it doesn't feel like a move "up," if you will.  We are living with my parents, which, at 30 years old, isn't #lifegoals, if you know what I mean.  We are living in an apartment above their garage, so we have our own separate living space, but there's still that feeling of, well, failure I suppose, in a way.  Going from being independent homeowners to moving back to the house I lived in growing up, it's not easy.  

I want to feel independent and grown up.  I know that this time is in many ways a cocoon for me, and maybe both of us.  And I feel so so so grateful to have a family that can provide a cocoon for us as we make this transition to parenthood.  I'm trying to choose to be positive and seeing this time as a true cocoon time, where we will inevitably emerge stronger that we were before, more independent, and more equipped and able to be the best parents we can, in a financial situation that allows us to move "up."  Ideally a cocoon isn't somewhere to stay forever, and it's also not a place where you revert back to your caterpillar self.  I'm trying to keep that in mind as we enter this somewhat uncomfortable space of being cocooned.  I imagine a caterpillar feels a bit uncomfortable, going from being able to scrunch around freely to being all wrapped up and stuck in a cocoon for who knows how long.  And not knowing what he'll look like, what life will be like when he emerges.  I feel that way very much.  The uncomfortability of not knowing what life will look like as a parent, how we'll cope with it, how I'll be able to be a businesswoman, wife, and mom all at once (even though I know it's more than possible based on how many amazing ladies I see doing it).  

People's lives on the internet can seem all insta-perfect and wonderful, but that's never the whole story.  While I feel a plethora of mixed emotions about moving, pregnancy, parenthood, and more, I'm doing my best to focus my attention on staying positive and having a great attitude through all the change that we're dealing with, because really it's one of the few things I do have control over.  Doing my best to take this in stride and take each day as it comes.

Maternity Style | Week 20

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I was going to start with the first week I documented (week 8), but first I wanted to share this super amazing shoot I did up in Alaska last month with my friend Grace Adams!  I was up in Anchorage shooting a wedding and Dan came with me to get a feel for the city we'd be moving to shortly and I asked Grace if she was available for a last minute shoot with the two of us so we could have some photos to go along with our pregnancy announcement.  I was really excited to be able to have some photos with my love so we could share the news with our friends, and it was fun to have the photos done in our new town.

I made a flower crown and bouquet because, well, I have a hard time passing up an excuse to play around with florals.  I used some bought flowers and then foraged the rest from our backyard and with the pine branches and red flowers I sort of ended up with a very December-esque crown, which actually is perfect because our tiny person is scheduled to make their first appearance at the beginning of December!

Dress + Necklace : Free People | Shoes : Kenzie Girl
Photos by Grace Adams

Stuff I don't need.

It's weird being a part of new marketing sector.  Pregnant lady, new mom.  So far the ads in my facebook and online haven't been super targeted at pregnancy yet, but I have a pregnancy app that has some ads in there, and I got a huge packet of coupons from shopping at a maternity store once, and while I get that some products are nice, it seems like, by and large, most of it is unnecessary.  I don't need a whole new wardrobe full of maternity clothes (but I should probably get a second pair of the maternity jeans I got because I wear them like every day...).  My newborn doesn't need a closet full of cute outfits.

Moving has been a huge process of getting rid of stuff.  So much stuff.  So much stuff we don't need.  And we don't even have a big house. When we were house hunting I think we looked at one house that was 2000 sq/ft, twice as big as our current house.  I can't imagine how much more stuff we would've had with that much room to fill!  I'll admit, I love stuff.  I love stuff a lot.  I like making spaces cozy and styling things to look lovely.  I like having art on my walls and pretty furniture and such.  But still, it's amazing how much unnecessary stuff accumulates without even noticing.  

I'm looking forward to creating a cute, cozy space for our new babe, but I also don't want to end up with a ton of stuff again.  It's so hard to be mindful and intentional about bringing stuff into our house.  That was one thing I really loved about living in the Brave.  You really don't have any space for stuff you don't need.  I loved that simplicity.  That clarity.  I crave it, but at the same time I crave having a beautifully styled home full of stuff I love.  Where is the balance between having enough stuff and cultivating a simple and clear life?  It seems like maybe a push and pull.

Ironically, right now the Brave is actually full of some of our excess that is in storage.  We sold some stuff, took a ton to the thrift store, tossed some, and what doesn't suit us at this stage in life (like my burlesque costumes) we stored with the Brave.

I still dream of life on the road full time in the Brave.  I really adore the lifestyle, I adore the people you meet on the road, I adore seeing new beautiful places each day, experiencing new local cultures, new small businesses.  For now the Brave is in storage.  Maybe, hopefully, someday we will get to pick up that dream again.  Some of my favorite memories of childhood happened in RVs and on longterm trips.  I love following full-timer families on Instagram, homeschooling their kids, showing them new things and teaching them through their travels.

For now, I'm trying to keep from acquiring too much stuff and cluttering up my life again.  Moving is a huge pain, but it's also nice to have something like moving force you to do one of those purges.  I should institute a quarterly purge to keep this simple intention.  Seasonal purges.  As someone who loves thrifting, it can be easy to acquire cool things that I don't actually need and that don't actually serve a purpose, but having a set time to get rid of that stuff could help with it piling up.  

I know I'm about to be in the midst of an onslaught of marketing to tell me that I need a thousand new things to be a mom.  I think I will be happy to keep the stuff acquisition to a minimum and to DIY the shit out of as much as I can.

What I'm Reading

In the past few months I've read some of my favorite books of all time, so I thought I'd share my current reading list with you guys because I feel like these books are incredible and if you haven't read them, go pick them up now!  I didn't do it on purpose, but all of these books center on the idea of human connection and how humans are hardwired for connection.  Each one focuses on the idea from a different perspective, but I love each one and how inspiring each one is in it's own way.  

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
-By Brené Brown

If you haven't seen Brené's Ted Talk on vulnerability, stop reading this post right now and go watch it. It's in the top five most viewed Ted Talks with over 24 million views on the Ted website.  I've only just started Daring Greatly and am on the second chapter now, but knowing Brené's work, I can't wait to get further into this one.  Kristina, my Wildbride partner, finished Daring Greatly on our Wildbride Retreat tour and highly recommended it.  She said it felt like a mini therapy session every time she picked it up, in a good way.  So much food for thought and life change.
 

The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help - By Amanda Palmer

Amanda's book is refreshing and so inspiring.  Amanda's writing style is super easy to read and it really feels like she's talking right to you.  Dan also read this one and really loved it.  I was challenged and inspired to do more asking.  In the past couple years I've been more intrigued by the idea of asking and rejection, trying my hand at rejection therapy now and then.  The Art of Asking kind of goes deeper into this idea.

Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear
- By Elizabeth Gilbert

You're probably familiar with Elizabeth Gilbert.  Eat. Pray. Love. anyone?  Yup.  Big Magic is a refreshingly honest look at living a creative life as an artist, writer, etc.  It's encouraging and frank and is a great read for anyone who aspires to, or is currently, living as an artist either full time, part time, or as a hobby.  The chapters/sections are super short (some are under a page long), and it feels like a very quick read.  She writes in a very colloquial way, which made me feel almost like she was talking to me, not like I was reading a book.  Dan read this one after I finished it and he really enjoyed it as well!

How to Win Friends and Influence People
- By Dale Carnegie

I'll be honest, I'd heard about this book in the past a few times, but the (comes-across-as-sort-of-douchey) title put me off from getting this book.  It was suggested to me by another photographer who told me it was a must-read, one of those books that everyone should have to read, and that it helped him immensely with connecting with clients.  I immediately hopped over to Amazon and ordered it and I'm so glad I did.  It's now on my list of books that everyone should read, and honestly I feel like this should be required reading in high school or college.  I suppose at it's root it is a book about how to win friends and influence people, but more than that it's a super practical guide for understanding human behavior and how to best interact with other people in conflicts and difficult situations and how to honor one another through words and actions.  It's now one of the most underlined books on my shelf and I already feel like I need to read through it again to really grasp the concepts and put them into practice in my life.  

5 short hairstyle ideas for curly girls

Having natural curls is, most of the time, super awesome.  It's basically pre-styled every day, I don't have to wash it very frequently (and when I do, I just use water and conditioner), and it has natural body.  But it can also feel limiting when it comes to styles.  Other than a brief stint with shorter hair, of the bob/long-bob variety, a few months after I got married, I've almost always rocked long locks.  Now, don't get me wrong, I love big, long hair.  Part of me feels, well, not very "me" without my big hair, and I remember immediately regretting it after I did my post-wedding chop.  

But it's hard to keep from window-shopping, if you will, when it comes to other haircuts now and then.  Especially when you've been avoiding washing/detangling your hair for 3 days and keep it in the same messy ponytail for said days.  You might just find yourself getting on pinterest and doing a little pinspiration searching for more low-maintenance cuts.  

Finding inspiration for haircuts can be difficult because when it comes to cutting hair, you need your inspiration to have your hair texture. While I have naturally curly hair, oftentimes searching for "natural curly hair" can come up with much different textures than my own.  And other times it'll result in hair that obviously has no curly texture and is clearly curled with a curling iron.  These inspirations have a somewhat similar texture to my own, give or take a bit of curl or thickness, so into my pin-vault they went!

1. The Long Pixie
I love this look because it's clearly super easy to wear without any styling. Maybe a scrunch here or there and it's good to go.  It has great shape, and it's sexy!

2. The Curly Bob
This length is similar to when my hair was at it's shortest, post-wedding.  I remember not liking this style on myself, but I did have bangs at the time, and I feel like this style sans-fringe is a much more fresh looking style.

3. The Boy Cut
This style is one that I've had my eyes on for years.  Karla Deras, from Karla's Closet, is one of those original style bloggers from way back in the day when I first started blogging and she's rocked short, curly hair for years.  I remember always being envious of her curly, short locks, which felt carefree but chic in every post.  She's had a variety of shorter styles, but this one is a super-cute style that reminds me of a classic boy-cut.

4. The Long Bob (with bangs!)
I always find myself coming back to this style as one I love.  It still has some length and movement, but it also doesn't have the weight of long hair. Plus, cutting off all my processed ends sounds kind of lovely, my tips have been around through far too many hair color changes.  From red, to teal to blonde... they'd probably be happy to be put out of their misery.

5. The Undercut
I've never had a cut similar to this one, save a short time in elementary school when I eschewed any and all things girly and convinced my mom to let me get a boy haircut.  Lets just say it was not anywhere near as cool as these girls' undercuts.  I've dreamed of this haircut many a time, but is so drastic, I've always chickened out.  I love the longer, curly top, maintaining a bit of feminine spunk. Maybe someday I'll take the plunge!

Do you have any curly hair inspiration?  Favorite curly haired bloggers?

Sources: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6