crusty old used condoms

My last outfit post was when I had green hair!  I haven't had the green since June so that's probably the longest I've gone without an outfit post, well, since I started blogging in '08.  Whoa.  I stopped because I didn't feel like taking outfit photos any more, and I don't really feel like taking them anymore still.  The light was beautiful this evening, I wanted to scout some spots for my upcoming Mini Sessions, and take Dusty for a walk, so I hauled out the ol' tripod again for some casual outfit pics.  
Truth be told, I've had some thoughts on outfit posts, and the fashion industry in general.  A couple years ago I made a commitment to only buy made in the USA, second hand/vintage, or ethical/sustainable/fair trade clothing.  I've done pretty well sticking to that since then.  A couple times I'd accidentally get something that didn't fit my parameters, but I tried really hard to stick to it.  It's been easier since I stopped doing outfit photos, since I don't spend a lot of time shopping anymore, but last week I had a real bad day.  And a friend asked me if I wanted to go shopping with her, you know, retail therapy.  We went to Forever 21, which was where she wanted to go, and I went in for the first time in years.  It was its old overwhelming, kind of gross self, and we wandered for about an hour.  I didn't want anything, but then, oh man, there were these two things, man.  And I bought them.   And a week before that, I bought two pairs of sweats from Target because I was tired of thrifting and not being able to find sweats that actually fit me and didn't look like old mom sweats.   And then I watched The True Cost.  Which, actually, plenty of you had suggested to me back when I first posted about wanting to shift the way I buy clothing, but I never got around to watching it, or it wasn't on Netflix at the time.  For whatever reason it took me like two years to actually get to watching it.  I was in a Documentary mood and was scrolling through Netflix and there it was.  I had just finished watching Human and so I was primed for something like The True Cost, so I popped it on. 




About halfway through I was sobbing alone in my kitchen.  I was sobbing for the kids that are being destroyed by pesticides used to grow cotton in the Punjab, for the moms stuck working in the sweatshops for pennies a day, for the planet that is crumbling under the weight of an industry that is crippling the ecosystem and global economy.  It's madness.  
And I realized that the logical end to my commitment to only buying ethically created clothing was to not do outfit posts any more.  Because what started as something that I did in order to be inspired, to explore my own personal style, and to connect with other people whose style inspired me, has become just another way to fuel this consume consume consume mentality.  Comment sections are loaded with "where did you get XYX?!" questions.  You make your money blogging off of affiliate sales, so when people buy from your link, you make money.  Brands want their clothes on you so that people see them and want them and buy them.  It makes me feel like I'm a part of this vicious cycle that is destroying so much of humanity and the earth.  I think bloggers started putting outfit details in their posts so that they wouldn't have to keep answering the questions about where they got each item in each post.  It makes sense.  People actually get frustrated when you tell them an item is thrifted or vintage because they can't just go buy it.  It's a little sad because I remember back when I started blogging and I'd see outfit posts that would inspire me and I'd go to the thrift store and see what I could get that would give me a similar look.  As blogging caught the eye of brands, it began to shift.  And my blog began to shift.  Brands and shops wanted to give me credit to use to buy clothing so their clothes would be in my outfit posts.  And I loved their clothing, so duh, of course, yeah!  And we all started doing that.  So blogging began shifting from what it was for me when I started.  It started to make me a bit of income, and hell, that's cool.  Doing something awesome and creative everyday and it starts to make and income?  Yeah man, I'm for it!



I think I still like outfit posts.  I'm not as into them as I was, but I still like the creativity of putting together an outfit, something that makes me feel awesome, and is an outlet for my artistic side in a practical daily way.  But I want them to be different.  I want them to be on my terms.  I think that might mean not posting outfit details any more.  Since I don't get sent items anymore I don't have any obligation to post anything for brands.  Actually, the last things I've been sent are in this post, so the hat is from Moorea Seal (who I don't have any qualms with supporting, actually go get her book, it's amazing), and the boots are Cat Footwear.

I want blogging to be inspiration based, not consumption based.  Stuff like Pinterest and blogging started as such an amazing thing for inspiration, and it's turned into want-spiration.  We feel lesser than other people who have the things we want.  We want lives like them, things like them, clothes like them, houses like them, relationships like them.  It's stupid and unhealthy.  Blogs don't have to be that way, but it takes effort on both the part of the blogger and the blog reader to be intentional about their roles in the blogosphere.  For instance, this photo location is one of my favorites, but it's just a weird little park in the middle of Central Tacoma.  One time I was in fear for my life a little bit here when I took outfit photos and a very not-all-there homeless woman followed me around for a while.  And today there were a couple teenage girls hanging out about 30 yards from me smoking, and I nearly sat on a crusty old used condom.  Movie magic, people, movie magic.  Find beauty where you are, even if there is a crusty old condom there.  And recognize that other people's lives may look magical, but there are definitely crusty old condoms just out of frame.  It's a metaphor.  Work with me. 

transition transmission

all is most definitely in the air.  Transitional seasons like fall and spring always tend to be ripe with change, but this summer and fall I've been feeling a push towards change in a powerful way.  I feel stuck and comfortable and I'm trying to figure out the right way to break free.  One of the biggest questions in my life that almost always seems to taunt me, unanswered, is, "but how?"  I know that if I knew the answer to that elusive question I could do it, whatever it is.  I'm great at following directions.  Give me directions and I will follow them to the utmost excellence that I can possibly eke out.  But in the absence of obvious directions?  I often feel a bit lost and panicky.  Rules and directions are so comfortable.  Even if I don't agree with the rules or don't want to follow the directions, they're at least there to crate a framework for me to rebel against.  Adrift in an ocean with no shore in sight is how I've felt for many years, off and on.  No clue for which direction to set my sail towards.  
I'm trying to trust my instincts and learn to hear them again.  Follow them.  Remember where my soul feels most alive.  Move towards there.  Find my sealskin, slip it on and sink beneath the surface.















photos + wardrobe by Bailey Fray Dejong

goodbyes and hellos

'm not into goodbyes.  Never have been, never will be.  At parties I prefer to subtly gather my things, slip towards the doors and quietly disappear.  There's always the explaining why you have to leave, and then talking about how great it was to see everyone, and then there's the standing by the door for long enough for both parties to feel like they lingered long enough to show they care about the other, and then finally there's the leaving part.  Maybe it's an introvert thing.  By the time I'm ready to leave, I'm tapped out on human interaction.  Goodbyes are just one more human interaction and I'm already running on fumes.  All of this is to say that if any of you were looking for a goodbye or reason why I haven't been hanging around these [internet] parts lately, it's because I'm not into that kind of thing.  Partially because of the goodbye stuff, but also because I didn't know what to say.  I said some stuff on instagram and left it at that. And I also felt like there weren't a lot of people who would even notice that I wasn't blogging.
This summer has been good.  It's strange to think that it's already almost over.  I needed a cleansing and a reconnection to myself.  My desires, my creativity, my purpose, my voice.  In some ways blogging feels, retrospectively, like a twilight zone dream and I'm here rubbing my eyes, shaking my head thinking, "Wow, that was weird."  Not that blogging is intrinsically bad or crazy or weird, but when your head is stuck in the blogging world for so many years, pulling it out and getting a gasp of air from the non-blog world, it's a little bizarre.  Initially I had decided to step back from social media for the month of July.  I deleted Instagram and social media from my phone, put the StayFocused app on my computer's browser to keep me from mindlessly scrolling, and decided I'd stop blogging until I felt like it again.  I read Women Who Run With The Wolves, started journaling again for the first time since, well, I started blogging, and began shooting images that I wanted to create because I thought they were beautiful, not because I needed to shoot something for a blog post.



I knew I'd be pretty busy because I was shooting more weddings this summer, and I picked up a lot more shifts at the coffee shop, and I didn't miss blogging.  I quietly changed my blog design to something that felt more home-y to me.  Even though I wasn't posting, I still wanted the space to reflect me in a more down to earth way.  Earlier in the year, after reading #Girlboss, getting pumped up with GoLive workshops, and TxSC Camp I decided to throw one more try at making blogging work for me as an income generator.  But I've realized, I don't want to make money blogging anymore.  That model used to work for me because I was jazzed on posting outfits and sharing stuff that was easy to monetize.  When I rebranded in March I asked people to fill out a survey to see what they wanted to see on Delightfully Tacky.  The responses weren't surprising, by and large people wanted more outfits.  But I don't want to post outfits any more.  I mean, maybe once in a blue moon when I'm feeling like putting on something more than skinny jeans and a plaid flannel.  Maybe I can revamp the blog into a capsule wardrobe blog and the capsule wardrobe will just be the same moccasins, skinny blue jeans, and plaid flannel shirts every day.  Riveting.  I digress.  I'm not passionate about personal style the way I was when I started this blog.  I suppose it's hard when what people want from you isn't what you want to put out any more.   In the last few months I've purged at least half of my wardrobe, have some boxed up to take to Urban X Change, taken some to the thrift store, and some I've auctioned on Instagram.  It's felt good to get rid of the excess, and in some ways has also felt like a ritual to mark the end of feeling obligated to post outfits.  I don't have any more clothing sponsors sending me clothes, well, except for some boots I have on the way which I'm sure I will post and I also love supporting my friend Moorea's shop so I occasionally like to share items from her shop.  But I'd rather share things like that when and if I want, rather than feeling constantly obligated to post every day to keep my numbers up to keep sponsors interested in supporting me, to keep an income coming in so I can pay my mortgage and eat.  I'd rather photograph weddings than play that game any more.  





Dan was gone for almost two months this summer, commercial fishing in Alaska with my uncle, and I wanted to be really intentional about using that time to reconnect with myself as a woman and as a creative person.  It was good.  I worked on personal projects and explored what I wanted to create, not just what I felt like I should create or what other people were creating.  I found myself wanting to photograph women in nature, in a raw and vulnerable way.  I don't really feel quite ready to share that project yet, just because it feels a little bit like a new baby and it's not something I want to throw to the internet wolves just yet.  This shoot with Bailey was part of the project, though, and I'm in love with how these images turned out.  I do still enjoy being in front of the camera, but being the photographer these days is what I crave.  Being the model is fun, but shooting other women is so much more fulfilling to me.  I want to explore beauty and sexuality in a context other than traditional "boudoir" type imagery.  I like those types of bedroom-sexy photos, but I also feel like there is so much of that one type of sexy portrayed and I want to shoot beauty and sexuality from a more wild, organic standpoint.  I probably shouldn't be surprised that I love shooting women in wild settings.  When I started blogging back when I lived in Alaska, all my outfit shots were done out in the woods in my backyard.  It took me a long time to feel comfortable shooting in a more urban setting and I never truly felt natural shooting against a backdrop of skyscrapers, alleyways, and concrete.  




I took commenting off my blog, partially because I didn't want to feel the compulsion to check my comment moderation, and I wanted to physically stem the flow of outside voices coming in to my mind.  I needed a quiet place, on and off the internet.  And there was something symbolic about turning off the commenting.  It's not that I don't love the dialogue that is encouraged online, but commenting lately has felt less communal, more like the "Have a nice summer! :)" type of messages scrawled on the end page of aYearbook than a quality, healthy discourse.  That being said, I like blogging because of the discourse, so not having commenting is not ideal, but for now I'm keeping it off.  For now it feels right to keep this space mentally quiet for me.  For now.
I don't know when I'll post again.  Maybe that will be once a month, maybe once a week, maybe sporadically more often sometimes, less often others.  But whatever it will be, I'm fine with.   I'll probably post again soon with the second half of this shoot with Bailey, and since we traded off as photographer/model, I also have shots from this session of myself!  It's been so long since I did outfit photos and was in front of the camera, it felt kind of weird!  It was fun though.  I haven't had any (non-insta) photos of my non-green hair yet, even though I ditched the green way back in June! 

The 52 Lists Project Giveaway!

'm so excited to finally get to share this giveaway with you guys!  If you've spent any amount of time hanging around my blog you've probably heard me babble on about how awesome Moorea is and how amazing her shop is.  I've met a lot of people through blogging, but Moorea is one I feel super lucky to have connected with.  Not only is she local, but she's one of the raddest, most hard working, most genuine women I've had the pleasure of meeting.  Getting to watch the process of The 52 Lists Project coming together has been so much fun, I'm so thrilled for and proud of her.

The book launches officially tomorrow, but today I'm giving away a copy for one lucky reader!  Not sure what exactly The 52 Lists Project is all about?  

The 52 Lists Project is a journal of weekly lists that will help nurture self-expression and self-development - written and art directed by  Moorea Seal! Each seasonal section includes list prompts, with plenty of space to write your own lists, and challenges to help you take action and make your dreams a reality. Each section of the journal is paired with stunning photography and beautiful detailed illustrations by local Seattle photographer and designer Julia Manchik. With perfectly timed prompts that meet you where you are throughout the different seasons, this journal will open up new avenues of self-knowledge and help you celebrate, enjoy, and take ownership of your life, as each week of the year becomes more thoughtful and vibrant.

Moorea sent over a copy for me to have and I've been enjoying quiet moments with a cup of coffee in hand, writing up my lists and getting inspired.  I love that she organized the book by seasons.  As summer has started to slip away slowly, seeing the fall-inspired lists ahead has gotten me more excited about the change in seasons and transitions ahead.
Seriously, you guys, this book is gorgeous.  Julia Manchik is so talented and her and Moorea together is the most perfect pairing to create a stunning, inspiring, lighthearted, and fun weekly journal.  




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faves from moorea seal

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t's been so exciting watching my friend Moorea kick ass this year.  Not only is her shop constantly full of drool-worthy pretty things, she's publishing not one, but two books!  Damn girl.  So thankful to blogging for bringing us two Pacific Northwest gals together.  Her first book, The 52 Lists Project, comes out in September, but she's currently got it up for pre-sale on her shop, so if you want to be one of the first to get your hands on it, head over and preorder it.  And even better?  The first 100 preorders get a signed copy!  Get your signed copy now before Moorea dethrones Oprah because girl is killing it. I've been simplifying a lot (like... a LOT), and have been starting to make the move from house to Brave, which is a lot more overwhelming than I anticipated.  Anyway, small, simple details are important to me for Brave living.  I love the dip-dyed macrame wall hanging and can envision it fitting perfectly on one of the few walls in the Brave.   While my size 4 fingers are too small for traditional mass-market rings, the midi ring trend has become my new favorite thing.  I'm in love with these little gold and turquoise rings, and since some of the collection are size 4, I know at least a couple would fit me!  The rest would just have to become gifts for friends because none of my fingers will fit a 7.  #babyhandproblems I'm not a piercing person, I don't even have my ears pierced (with my hair you'd never see earrings anyway...).  But I do love a cute nose ring!  When I saw this faux nose ring nose clip in Moorea's shop I immediately bought it.  It's so much fun to be able to have a pretty little nose ring on days when I'm feeling extra wild.  And a rad pair of aviators tops off the look perfectly.   I love that Moorea still has these glass diamond terrariums in her shop.  Two years ago when she opened her online store and did her first product shoot at my house, she brought them over and I had just bought one from the maker on etsy shortly before!  I knew I was going to love everything in her shop because everything she brought for the shoot I wanted to steal and keep.  Luckily I'd already bought this little guy, and I love that she still offers them!