love your curls

 recently shared this link on my facebook page, and while I did a fist pump in the air for pretty much every single post shared in that article, this one struck a chord with me:

http://womenaresociety.tumblr.com/post/115394923469/wesley-crusher-radical-as-fuhk-why-dont-we

Growing up, I had no curly hair role models, especially not in pop culture or media.  In every single makeover plot line, the girl who gets made over has curly, unruly, big hair and then they straighten her hair to look like the classic Disney princess hair, slap on some makeup, pluck her eyebrows, ditch the glasses, and voila!  Now you're pretty.  Because you couldn't possibly be pretty with all that big, curly, frizzy hair.  It's... unkempt.  It's... untamed.  It's... uncomfortable. 

I was never the girl who could wake up hours before school to straighten her hair, put on makeup, and put in effort to look cute.  It was all I could do to get up 15 minutes before I had to be out the door.  I wasn't a primper, managing my big mane was a low-key affair and it was a constant battle.  I battled with the cut, spending too many years getting out of the stylist's chair with my curly hair shaped like a triangle because they cut it like it was straight hair.  I battled with being able to style it myself at home and using products (unwittingly) that were designed for the complete opposite type of hair: straight, think, limp.  It wasn't until my junior year of high school that I finally started to feel like I was getting the hang of it, and I was out of college when I got around to feeling super confident with my hair.  Now, I wouldn't trade it for anything, except maybe bigger and curlier hair!

 

I wear my hair natural and curly 99.5% of the time.  I don't work in an industry where I feel pressured to wear my hair in a "professional" way (whatever that means), but I know plenty of women with naturally curly and ethnic hair who work in more professional environments have felt a lot of pushback and criticism regarding wearing naturally curly hair.  When I posted that first link on my facebook I got quite a few comments echoing that sentiment.  It's like, there's nothing said outright, just a general vibe that curly hair, worn naturally, is not professional.  It's "messy."  Unless you have nice, neat, soft curls made with a curling iron. 

I don't know how it is for girls now, but I grew up in the 90's and early 00's when everybody was into pin straight hair.  "The Rachel" cut was all the rage, and there was no way in hell my hair would ever be anything like Rachel's even if I had a stylist give me her cut.  Even if I straightened it, the texture is too coarse and I don't have that shiny sleekness that Jennifer Aniston has.  All my friends had that hair.  They could go to the stylist and get the styles they wanted.  And there I was.  With poofy hair that would explode into a mess of poofy frizz if I brushed it dry, and tangled moments after getting it combed out in the shower.  I got my curly hair from my Dad.  My mom, while her hair is thick and gorgeous, had no clue how to deal with my curls, other than desperately trying to detangle it.  I had no culture of curly haired women around me to help me learn the ins and outs of naturally curly hair.  Now, with the internet, online communities of natural curly girls are banding together, forcing the status quo of straight=normal to finally shift, slowly but surely.

I don't have a daughter yet, but if I do (and she's blessed with the gift of big, curly hair), I feel a lot more positive about the how culture will view and approach her curly hair.  Campaigns like Dove's Love Your Curls are encouraging and eye opening when it comes to revealing how our culture can affect little girls with curly hair.  Dove also has created a fun little Love Your Curls book, and you can download the e-book and customize it for the curly girl you love.  It's a perfect gift for the little curly girls who are likely to feel discouraged or frustrated about their curly hair.  Full of little encouraging poems and prose about curly hair, it would've been great to have had something that actively praised my wild mane as a little girl.  I would've died of happiness for a Disney princess like Merida!

By and large the majority of hair products seem to be designed for the masses, and curly hair's needs are ignored.  In conjunction with their Love Your Curls campaign, Dove has also created a line of curly hair products, Quench Absolute, which they designed just for curly hair to help nourish and shape curls.  They sent me the Quench Absolute line to try out, and while I was disappointed that the shampoo contained Sodium Laurelth Sulfate, which is definitely on the no-go list for curls, based on my research (and I'm also a no-poo advocate, so I was disinterested in the shampoo to begin with),  I tried the Restoration Mask, Nourishing Conditioner, and Créme Serum and felt that the products did and okay job, but I wasn't blown away.  I would need to try it for a couple more months to really get a feel for how well it works.  Since I only wash my hair once or twice a week, the process of trying out products, for me, takes longer.  I'm a fan of much more natural products, and big companies like Dove tend to swing further into the chemical realm when it comes to their products, but that being said I'm glad that companies are finally wising up to the needs of curly hair and working to create products with our specific needs in mind.  Curly hair often needs a lot of moisturizing, conditioning, and protection, since the bends of the curls can weaken the hair if not protected.  Dove designed the Quench Absolute line to help moisturize and keep curly hair healthy and manageable.  I haven't gotten the best results from the products, compared with other products designed by companies whose main focus is curly hair and curly hair only, but I'm excited to see more companies realizing the special needs of curly hair and working to normalize and embrace naturally curly hair.

 

 
I learned to love my curls because I was entirely too lazy (and SO not enough of a morning person) to go through the work to straighten it every morning, but I know so many curly women who felt forced to straighten, either out of obligation or frustration, and while it's not something I've had to deal with, I know that wearing your hair naturally, for women of color, has a racial issue component as well.  There are a lot of social, racial, and cultural forces that can affect curly girls from a very young age and hopefully with campaigns like Love Your Curls and the support of online and local communities, we can help encourage our daughters and other curly girls to love their hair as it is naturally.  I used to only wear my hair naturally because I was too low maintenance to bother with styling it straight, but now I feel like wearing my  hair naturally, not only because I love my curls, but because I want to encourage other girls with big, "unruly," curly hair to embrace the mane and let it do it's amazing, natural thing.  I've gotten emails over the years from curly girls who were encouraged by my blog to put down the straightener and start wearing their hair naturally and I get so excited when I get messages like that.  Rock it, curly girls!  #LoveYourCurls!

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own. 

summer is for simplicity.

undress season is starting!  I was in the car with Dan the other day talking about how different I am from when we were dating and got married.  I suppose I'm not that different, but I was remembering how I almost never wore pants and got "dressed up" every day.  He noted that at that time I was taking outfit photos everyday, which I don't do any more, but still, my style has changed a lot.  I've been working on clearing out my closet of the things I really don't wear all that much (or not at all) in the past few years.  This dress, I've had for five years and has always been a favorite.  I'm pretty positive it'll never end up in the give-away pile.  There's nothing super fancy about it, but for some reason it's always been one of my favorites.  It walks the line of being feminine, but still casual, and it's the perfect weight for muggy summer days.  I did a remix post with this dress three years ago, and I'm sure I've worn it many a time since then.  Paired with a comfy pair of cute sandals and a flower crown, I love how sundresses don't need to be styled up much.  Just simple.  Complicated styling is for Fall and Winter.  Summer is for simplicity.

 


dress (similar)/courtesy of modcloth :: shoes/courtesy of moorea seal  bracelet/31 bits :: necklace/courtesy of tribe jewelry :: flower crown/handmade
 

mocha's recovery

ne year ago I asked you guys for help.  Not for me, but for a friend.  And technically a friend of a friend.  Specifically, a big guy named Mocha.  My best friend since junior high had found her old horse in a state of malnutrition and abuse, and bought him back, desperate to save him from the owners he'd ended up with years after she had to sell him after high school.  Already strapped for cash, adding a horse to the mix, especially one in such dire need of veterinary care, I reached out to you guys and asked for help, $1000 to help her cover the vet, farrier, and boarding bills, and you guys responded with over three times that amount.  Just a few months after getting him back, he was already on his way back to his normal, healthy weight, the farrier was helping his feet get back to a healthy shape, and the chiropractor was getting his body feeling better in it's new, filled out, muscular composition.   Many friends asked Kristi when she'd be back to riding him.  She often responded that it'd probably be at least a year, which they thought was odd, but Mocha was being ridden by a man well over 200 lbs in his malnourished state, which is hard to fathom, and she wanted to give Mocha time not only for his body to recover, but also his psyche.  


A few months ago, Kristi moved Mocha from the barn she first boarded him at when she got him back, to a new facility with a trainer with years of experience capable of helping her train him, now that his body is healthy and his mind is itching for movement and direction.  Now that he's healthy, his stubborn, ornery self is back and having an experienced trainer to help give him structure, learn how to move his body, and respond to the direction of a rider is helping him grow, not just physically, but mentally.  He might not be a spring chicken anymore, but you'd never know looking at him!  It was so wonderful seeing him feeling comfortable in his body and so willing to try new things.  While I was a competitive jumper in high school, Kristi and Mocha were more of the trail riding types, so jumping is a new thing for this big guy!  He's so eager and it's fun to see them together again doing something new!  

 
Kristi has been trying to convince me to come take lessons at her new barn, and after visiting and watching her lesson on Mocha, I was so flooded with nostalgia.  The smells, the feeling of following a horse over jumps, the dust in your nose after spending an afternoon in the arena.  I spent so many years on the back of a horse, and even after ten years of not riding, it's something that's in my bones.  I've been trying to convince my mom to bring my boots, pants, helmet and saddle from Anchorage the next time she visits!   I'm so proud of Kristi for all the hard work and sacrifices she's made for this big guy.  Getting to watch the journey from day one, to this point, something we weren't sure we'd ever get to see, it's incredible.  And without you guys, that journey would've been a lot harder.  I know she could've done it, but damn it would've been hard.  Those vet bills were crazy those first few months and having the financial support of your donations was such a blessing.  It's still not easy, any one with a horse will know how crazy expensive they are, and Kristi works her ass off to be able to afford keeping him and training him, but there's nothing more worth the time and money than seeing these two reunited and thriving together.  Thank you guys for donating, even if it was just a few dollars.  Those few dollars added up and the result was so meaningful.  Seeing Mocha like this just one year after he walked off the trailer with his bones showing through his rough, unbrushed coat, it's priceless.  From Kristina (and Mocha) (and me):  Thank You.
 

ginger lemon drop

ou guys know how obsessed with ginger I am, right?  I can't get enough of ginger infused treats and cocktails.  I recently got to go on a tour of Heritage Distilling in Gig Harbor and participate in their My Batch experience where you get to distill your own craft spirits and at the end of the day, in addition to the spirits I created, I also couldn't resist picking up a bottle of their ginger vodka!  They have so many amazing flavored vodka flavors, and while I'm not usually a vodka fan, after trying their ginger vodka I knew I'd have fun making cocktails with it!  I almost picked up the blood orange vodka too, but I didn't and I kind of regret it.  Blood orange summer cocktails are calling my name!  Blood orange AND ginger?  OMG.  Okay, anyway.  After getting the ginger vodka I was brainstorming how to use it first.  I had a few leftover lemons, so a lemon drop fit the bill!  The lemon drop is a simple, sweet cocktail that is a definite crowd pleaser.  The bright, citrus flavor makes it a perfect cocktail for those hot summer days.  Now, if only those hot summer days would get here...

Ingredients (makes one cocktail):

2 oz

Ginger Vodka

.5 oz Triple sec

1 oz Simple syrup

1 oz Fresh lemon juice

Garnish:

Brown sugar mixed with a bit of ground ginger (for rim)

1 Lemon twist

1 Piece Candied Ginger

1 / Coat the rim of a cocktail glass with brown sugar mixed with a bit of ground ginger and set aside.

2 / Add ginger vodka, triple sec, simple syrup, and lemon juice to a shaker and fill with ice.

3 / Shake until frosty, and strain into the prepared glass.

4 / Garnish with a lemon twist and candied ginger. Enjoy!

living with and thriving through mental illness // the brave ones with mary england

The Brave Ones is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to share the real, personal stories of real people, in the hopes of showing that we're not alone in the struggles we face.  I believe that the more we listen to the real experiences of other people, the more we come to understand each other and approach one another with compassion.  Today’s guest post is by Mary England who blogs at Uncustomary.

was 8-years-old when I started noticing that I had to scrunch my face up every time I blinked. Eventually, my blinks were very hard, lasting almost a second each. I started squeaking, extending my neck in an exaggerated way, and rolling my eyes down and to the side. I told my classmates that I "had allergies", and I heard my parents talk to their friends and my teachers, saying I was going through "a phase". At my worst I had eight motor and two vocal tics. It was more than a phase.

When I was about 14, I flipped to the back of one of the many teen magazines my mother insisted on subscribing me to. I cut words and photos out of them, after reading the one serious article towards the end of each of them. That day, the article was about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. As I read, I realized that I did all the things she was describing. All these things were part of my every day life, but here she was saying it was a problem that had to be treated.



Less than a year later, I started getting really depressed and got into self-mutilation. A lot of it had to do with the fact that I was dealing with symptoms of OCD and Tourette's Sydrome without treatment or any real knowledge about how to cope. I was late for things because I would get caught up in rituals before leaving the house. I had to repeat, count, and collect things. There were certain numbers associated with everything I did. I tapped surfaces, needed to touch almost everything, and re-checked doors and electrical devices to ensure they were off. I saw extremely graphic imagery of my friends in very violent scenarios. Everything from bathing to turning out the light at bedtime was an ordeal, but I never told anyone.

Things got pretty bad, and I asked my parents if I could go to therapy. That led to seeing a psychiatrist and getting prescribed my first dose of psychotropic medication. For years I took a couple meds every day, and it was enough to take things down a notch so I could function, but the root of the problem was much deeper, and when I was 22 I decided more had to be done, so I signed up for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

CBT for my OCD was basically exposure therapy. Like how if you're afraid of snakes, first you look at a snake, then you stand in the same room as a snake, and eventually you hold a snake. It was the same thing, except with my anxiety. I would have homework assignments every week that may sound really easy and mundane to anyone else, but sitting in front of open drawers for 45 minutes every day was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. There was a lot of sweat and tears involved, but six months later I "graduated".

Since then, I've done a lot to work on loving myself. I quit my day job (at a psychiatric rehabilitation center) to turn my hobbies into my career, and spend my days doing things I love. I make note of the wonderful thing around me, and embrace what makes me happy even if it's weird or childish. I honestly feel that with the journey I've been on, I can provide insight and help to other people who are at different milestones on their path.



At this point, I've gone from taking the highest dosage of four different medications to the lowest doses of only two. I don't go to therapy anymore, and I'm able to cope with symptoms that arise on my own. I still have four disorders on my official psychiatric face sheet (Panic Disorder and Mood Disorder NOS in addition to the aforementioned two), but sometimes I wonder at what point do I still suffer from these things? If you don't actively receive treatment for something, is it still a thing? It's a loaded question that I don't have the answer to.

What I can tell you, is nothing is impossible. I've overcome things I didn't think were manageable, and I've seen clients, with way more severe mental illnesses than me, make incredible progress at my old job. You can do it, I believe in you.

Thanks so much for sharing, Mary.  If you want to follow Mary, head over to her blog and instagram. Want to share your story?  Here's how to participate:

 Have you experienced something similar, or did this post spark a thought or feeling in you?  Write your own post on your own blog, sharing your experience. Write it quick, don’t overthink it, just spill it all out, it can be pictures if you want, whatever. If you’ve already written one, feel free to link that up, too.

 Include a link in your post back to this post, so your readers can find others writing on the same topic. Feel free to use my photo up there in your post!

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 Tell a few people about your post, either through social media or talk about it with a friend over coffee.  Click around and visit a few of the other posts linked up, leave comments for each other, and feel comforted that kindred spirits aren’t as rare as we think!  We're all in this together.  There is strength in numbers

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