why i'm excited about turning 34 / the brave ones with megan silianoff

Something that gets me really inspired is hearing the real life stories of other women.  The real stuff.  Life, love, failure, dreams, disappointment, fear.  I want to hear stories, tell stories, celebrate stories.  Every one of us has so many unique stories, and yet, in every story there is something that each of us can nod our heads to and whisper, "me too, man, me too."  I'm all about that.  Listening to real people's stories makes me feel less alone, it makes me feel like we're all in this together, even if I forget from time to time.  I think that story tellers, especially those who tell very personal and vulnerable stories, are seriously brave humans.  It can be pretty scary to share your truth, and I believe it takes bravery to share your story.  So here's the beginning of a new series on the blog, featuring open and honest guest posts by rad ladies I like to call "The Brave Ones."  First up, an amazing women I had the pleasure of befriending at TxSC CAMP, Megan Silianoff.  Megan is amazing for a myriad of reasons, and if you want to read her story, you should grab a copy of her book, 99 Problems but a Baby Ain't One (Which I devoured in little over one plane flight), and I'll be giving away a signed copy later today! Take it away, Megan!

or a few years now my cousin and I (both 33) have been co-writing a screenplay in our heads titled This is 30. It’s the prologue to Judd Apatow’s This is 40 - a comedy about the various challenges 40 somethings typically face in that specific decade of life.

This is 30 (same concept, different decade) commences with a 33 year old writer-type (me essentially) dry heaving in the sand of Chicago’s Oak Street Beach. I hold a plastic bag in one hand and hide my face with the other as hundreds of beach-goers stare, point, and throw a lot of “hey are you okay?” my way. The camera pans down the beach where we my cousin (a successful career type) watches me, laughs, and attempts to get a pic of this newest phase of my hangover. She can’t get off a decent shot though with the distance between us and the babysitting job I gave her when I ran off and said, “WATCH MY KID. I’M GONNA PUKE!” The point we’re trying to make in this film, and opening scene, is that your 30’s are a very peculiar decade. We’re young enough that weekday hangovers are still on the table but old enough that we can’t stay in bed to ride them out.

The 30’s decade is grueling for a myriad of reasons. It’s a time when there’s no light at the end of the tunnel regarding “the big stuff” in life. Kids for example. Based on the average age of pregnancy, a lot of our offspring are babies or toddlers. Parenting at any age is hard, but parenting tots is PHYSICALLY exhausting in a way that parenting teens is not. (Teens generally aren’t fans of being carried, for example.)

Our 30’s are generally a “make it or break it” time in our careers. Lots of heads-down, putting the time in, setting the foundation, type stuff that’s paving the way for the rest of our professional lives. Job hopping and “gigging” is generally less cute, encouraged, and applauded at this stage in the game. There’s pressure to have figured out what you want to be when you grow up, even though most people, at any age, can’t answer that question.

We have to mention the single ladies scenario as well. If you’re single and ready to mingle in your thirties – panic starts to set in, which is validated by your friends, family, and society in general. No more, “you’re young – have fun” pep talks. Instead, we’re encouraged when we sarcastically joke about freezing our eggs or looking into adoption. “Do it!” they say, “Good for you girl!”


But 30 isn’t all bad. If you’re a glass half-full type of person, you absolutely can make a toast! The exciting news is that we’re generally “on fleek” in terms of our looks ladies! As much as we’re worried about sun damage, gray hair, and post-baby bods, we’re actually in our prime! Take Kourtney Kardashian (and Kim for that matter) as examples. Kourt was “basic” in her 20s but these days she’s often argued to be the best-looking Kardashian! J.Lo and Kelly Ripa are strangely looking better as they age. And sit down for this one. Studies show women are at their sexual prime at thirty-four. Are you writing this down? Thirty-four. You remember how I old I said I was, right?!

Wisdom is said to be the sum of your mistakes or bad experiences in life. We 30 somethings have accumulated infinite wisdom by now. For me personally, that came in the form of ovarian cancer, navigating the domestic adoption process, called off engagements, Homeland killing off Brody, and a bunch of other drama. Like my fellow 30 somethings, I’ve traded some bright-eyed naivety for experience and it feels good. Empowering even.

This is why it’s almost cliché at this point to hear women say 30 was when they finally felt comfortable in their own skin. Take my cousin for example. She didn’t pass the bar exam recently. Despite the obvious disappointment she didn’t have a melt down, plan a suicide, or post cryptic emoticons on Facebook. She knew it wasn’t a reflection of her intelligence (she already has a master degree btw) but simply a result of timing. Two months before the test she met and fell in love with her probably husband and therefore didn’t study as much as she should have. It was a mature and healthy response that she’d NEVER have had in her 20’s. She felt bad about failing the bar but good about her response to it. This is 30.

We don’t know how our screenplay ends yet but we’re brainstorming possibilities for our characters aka ourselves. To me – that’s the very best thing about being a thirty something. The fact that we’re old enough to know better but young enough to still dream a little. We’re not going to be the next American Idol (there’s an age limit) but there’s still a possibility we could “make it” in whatever it is that we do. Kristin Wigg, Bradley Cooper, JK Rowling, Julia Child, and Vera Wang all are encouraging examples of this. At 30 something, we know what’s in the realm of possibility and what’s not. But that gray area in-between? It’s still in play as far as I’m concerned. You may already own a strand of pearls, but the world is still your oyster. This is 30.


Thanks Megan!  Stay tuned because I've got a giveaway coming up later today for a signed copy of Megan's book!

Want to share your story?  Here's how to participate:

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An InLinkz Link-up

texas style council: a campy farewell

t's been over a month since Texas Style Council's final conference, CAMP, but I'm still feeling inspired by my weekend surrounded by amazing women.  With founder Indiana now living in Atlanta, GA, Texas Style Council pulled out all the stops for this final event.  I've always appreciated Indiana's focus on community and connections rather than stats and sponsors when it comes to the content of the conferences.  TxSC has been the one conference I choose to attend simply because of the more down-to-earth vibe.  Big conferences with the focus on networking and business connections and becoming the biggest, richest blogger on the block, they're just not for me.   A weekend in the woods with my favorite ladies, casual style, sessions on journaling and confidence, and s'mores?  That's what I'm talking about.   And you know what?  Even though I didn't attend any sessions on making connections with big brands, crafting super pinnable content, and growing your audience, I left feeling so much more motivated to make this space meaningful, healthy, and inspiring.  I suppose, since CAMP stood for "Create A Meaningful Presence," that means the weekend truly lived up to it's intention, eh?  One of the big reasons I'm going on a new Brave trip and starting my podcast is because of TxSC and the encouragement from blog friends to just go for it.



 
 
I co-lead a session with Megan from Greetings From Texas about what to do when your blog becomes a slog.  The word for the session was "SHIFT," but Megan aptly noted that perhaps it should be "SHIT."  Like, oh shit... this used to all come easy and I had tons of ideas and sponsors were interested in working with me and I was excited and now I feel all blah and don't know what to say anymore and sponsors don't seem to give a shit about my blog, and being a full time blogger just isn't what it used to be.  We talked about shifting focus to keep the passion alive, or even shifting to different goals other than blogging, even quitting blogging.  We talked about how in the past year or two there's emerged a huge gap in terms of income between the top 200 bloggers (in terms of income) and the rest of us and how that's affected monetized bloggers.  We talked about finding new passions through blogging, and focusing more on quality than quantity when it comes to blog posts.   Megan was way more on top of her stuff and actually had someone tape a little snippit of our discussion, which you can find on her blog here.     I had learned about Megan last TxSC when I attended her + Becky Murphy's session on book writing.  Megan wrote a book about her experience with Ovarian cancer and adoption, which is hilarious (despite those topics not seeming immediately hilarious), but I hadn't really read her blog until learning that we'd be co-leading our discussion session.  Julie, Jen, and I were supposed to be rooming with Moorea, but after Moorea had to cancel her trip to TxSC, Megan took her spot in our room and I was so glad she did.  It was a blast getting to know her and I feel like I gained a brand new amazing friend.

Hanging out with blog friends I've known since 2009, I realized that they aren't just blog friends.  They're truly some of my best friends.  I've known these women since before they were married, or had kids.  I've watched them change careers, get new jobs, start their own businesses, write books.  They saw me graduate college, drive around the country, get married, and buy a house.  All of a sudden I realized that these aren't just "blog friends," they're full blown real friends I just happened to meet through blogging.  We pick up right where we left off (when we hung out at TxSC in 2013!), and stay up till 3 in the morning chatting in our bunks, cracking up, sharing secrets and dreams.  The sessions and workshops at these kinds of blogging events are nice, but those are the things that stick with me, not the notes I jot down listening to keynote speakers.  
 



I'm sad to see TxSC go, mostly because this last iteration of the conference was my absolute favorite.  I mean, you know me, I love camping, so a weekend full of inspiration with rad chicks in the woods?  Such a perfect event.  Honestly, I wish I could put something together like TxSC Camp here in the PNW on a yearly basis.  I feel like we don't need more blogging conferences, there are plenty of those.  But a weekend getaway where you get to meet up with old blog friends, meet new blog friends, and feel encouraged and inspired to go after the dreams you feel you were meant to live out?  Heck. Yes.  More of those, please.  Less feeling not good enough.  Less stressing about looking fancy and impressive.  Less strategies.  Less networking.  More connection.  More friendship.  More empowerment.  More soul-feeding conversation. 


 

Over the last five TxSC conferences, Indiana and her team put in countless hours of work, dozens of sleepless nights, and some serious blood sweat and tears to bring a truly inspiring event to life each time.  I'm so thankful for Indiana, both as a friend, and a "friendtor" (a term we learned from TOMS' Bethany Joy Clark at CAMP).  She poured her heart into each TxSC, from the very first meeting of a few bloggers over Costco quiche during SXSW, to a full on sold-out ALT style conference, to a weekend glamping retreat in the woods.  This lady is a powerhouse and I can't wait to see what she has up her sleeves next.



photobooth photos by Logan Pearce Photography, other photos by Liz Morrow Studios, Chelsea Laine Francis Photography, and via instagram.

adventures in burlesque

oly cow.  It's kind of hard to believe that Adventures in Oz is over again!  This was our second year doing the show and we were able to do two performances this year, one in Tacoma, one in Olympia, which was really fun!  After working for months on costuming and choreography, it was a little sad to only get to perform the show once last year, so it was awesome to be able to have two performances this time.  Last year I performed as one of the Poppy Girls, lulling Dorothy and her Oz friends into a sultry slumber through the power of seductive dance.  This year I decided to take the leap and do a full strip burlesque act, all the way down to pasties (ah!).  In last year's show we were supposed to have an Emerald City act, but the performer who was the Emerald City ended up dropping out a couple weeks before the show.  As we were gearing up for this year's show last fall I got super inspired by my green hair and thought I'd throw my hat in the ring to be the Emerald City this year.  I found two of my good friends to replace the Poppy roles that were vacated by myself and another gal who wasn't able to come back as a Poppy, and the show producers approved my act pitch!  Commence months of choreography, hours of costuming, and thousands of green rhinestones.
Since I would be playing the role of an entire city, I wanted my act to be huge and over the top, and when I thought of those things, my mind immediately went to Rococo/Marie Antoinette style.  Giant dresses, huge hair, over the top gestures, and royalty.  What better song to do the act to than "Royals" by Lorde?  My friend Ricky, a costume genius, helped by making my hip panniers which would go under my huge skirt to hold it up.  And I found an amazing wig maker on Etsy who crafted the most perfect Emerald City Rococo wig.  The rest of the costume was made by myself, and I felt a little bit like I was on a crazy episode of Project Runway, especially hand sewing that giant skirt out of an old 80's wedding dress I thrifted and dyed green, green satin sheets I thrifted, and green organza I bought on a 30 minute trip to Mood fabrics (okay, it wasn't Mood, it was Fabrics For Less in Renton... go with me here).

 

 


Rosie Cheex as Glenda The Good Witch
 

Last year's introduction to the burlesque scene as a Poppy in a non-stripping act was the perfect way to get into it without jumping straight into the deep end, though when I auditioned I was open to it.  This year, I felt like Adventures in Oz was the perfect place to do my debut burlesque act.  I knew everyone in the cast, and I felt the support of a show that I knew was amazing (though I also felt a ton of pressure to create an incredible act to live up to the show's standards!).  Truth be told, I had way more anxiety about remembering my choreography and having all my big costume pieces strip without snagging or getting stuck than the idea of being nearly naked on stage (isn't that supposed to be a nightmare?).  The funny part of it all is that I actually never felt naked or vulnerable on that stage, on the contrary, I felt powerful and clothed in strength.  I felt super proud of doing something that I'd dreamed of doing for years.  And even funnier: my mom and husband were in the audience sitting next to eachother!  They both loved the show and it was so amazing to have them both watch it again!


Ava D'Jor as the Cowardly Lion
 
 
Kitty Kisses as the Scare Crow, and our crew of Flying Monkeys

Beyond putting on a kickass show, I'm so happy to have gained a whole new group of friends who are badass and talented.  The past two year of doing Adventures in Oz has been so much fun and I can't wait to do more with this crazy group of performers.  Tacoma's burlesque scene is growing little by little and I'm so proud of the Gritty City Sirens for putting in crazy amounts of work to bring a show of this caliber to our city.
I'm not sure what Bettie Klondike's next act will be, but I can't wait to dive headfirst into more glitter and rhinestones with this crazy crew of performers!

Mae Zing in her Tornado Act



top 11 photos by me, other photos by Eric Vaughn, Cheri Rae, and Brenda Barnum

how i blow dry my curly hair

his one's for all you gals out there with hair similar to mine!  Today's video is all about how I blow dry my curly hair!  I almost always blow dry my hair,

mostly

because I'm too impatient for it to air dry.  If you couldn't tell, I embrace the poof and I love volume.  The bigger the hair, the closer to God, right?  

I've been trying out Living Proof's curl line lately and have been enjoying their products, so I'm sharing my thoughts on some of those, as well as a few products from Original Moxie and Miss Jessie's as well.  I chat for a bit about those products, and than at 6:30 you can watch as I blow dry my hair and see my process (thrilling, I'm sure, but for the sake of thoroughness).

I'm still getting used to this whole video thing, but it's been fun to make "moving pictures" and I'm enjoying the learning curve.  I'm counting on getting less awkward as I get used to it, that's how it works right?  Practice makes perfect, eh?

Anyway, I digress.  Do you curly ladies out there have any favorite products?  Do you use any of the products I mentioned?  Like them/dislike them/meh?  It's a never ending hunt for the perfect product, amirite gals?  #curlyhairproblems

just my type

arch was cray, and I feel like I'm just now getting back to being on top of things.  It only took the entire month of April.  Well, I suppose with my burlesque show taking over my life for most of April didn't help either, but here we are, May, and I'm feelin' ya.  May has always been one of my most favorite months.  I always think about the final days of school when it was finally getting slightly warm outside and we'd eat our lunches in the parking lot and watch cute boys skateboard.  I was always into those skinny-ass skateboarder dudes, I'll tell ya.  Give me a pale, skinny dude with tattoos and a skateboard, I'm putty in your hands.  Fact: Dan (and 90% of the guys I dated) skateboarded, it's a legit type, okay?  Anyone else out there?  Of course, I'm pretty sure that if I got on a skateboard I'd crack open my skull.  I tried it for a bit when I dated a guy who was a legit skateboarder featured on skate vids and such, and the most I could do was a sad sad barely ollie... on carpet.  I'm all set with all my bones intact and minimal skin contact with concrete.  I'll walk down that 10-stair, thanks.
Oh right, May.  Anyway, May is inextricably linked to that end of school excitement and summer's inevitable arrival, which makes it an exciting month even though I am not in school and summer actually means I'll be way busier than I am during the "school year" months.  But the sun is out later, and barbecues and biking and bonfires abound!  Dan has been working on our yard which was left half-finished from last summer and I'm really excited to finally have it finished and looking nice, rather than overgrown and strewn with debris.  Hopefully I'll have time to plant some veggies in the next couple weeks before it gets too late!  I'm behind on my gardening game!  Let's do this, May.

dress/cariloha :: boots/courtesy of seychelles :: hat(similar)/thrifted jacket(similar)/modcloth :: necklaces/handmade + courtesy of tribe jewelry photos by liz morrow studios