death before decaf

his shirt is kind of ironic because I actually drink decaf relatively frequently.  I only work closing shifts at the coffee shop where I barista and so in order to not stay wired until 4am I end up drinking decaf americanos instead of regular coffee.  As a barista in the PNW, though, I felt like the shirt was pretty appropriate and funny.  We are pretty serious about our coffee up here in the upperleft, USA. 
I grabbed these shots right after checking out a potential studio space in Downtown Tacoma.  I've been looking off and on again for studio space for the last few months, and while I think at the moment it might be too big of an expense to justify, I'm super excited to start the search for the perfect space.  These next few months are going to be crazy busy, so I might hold off on seriously looking until summer, but I know I'll still be craigslisting like a crazy person in the meantime.  In a lot of ways this search for a studio feels like my search for the Brave 5 years ago (holy moly I can't believe that was 5 years ago already).  That was definitely the start of a big journey for me personally, and the decision to go full on with photography was another big move that I'm super excited about.  The Brave feels like it will always be my talisman, regardless of whether or not the actual vehicle stays in my possession or not.  A 1973 Winnebago is my life's amulet.  A reminder to be brave and hunt goals with passion, even when people think I'm crazy.  



shirt + blazer(similar)/courtesy of modcloth :: jeans/courtesy of for elyse boots/thrifted :: bag/courtesy of rouge & whimsy

WED // snow goddess alaskan bridal shoot

ou guys just saw some of my favorite shots from Emilee and Matt's Alaskan New Year's wedding, but I also put together a super fun styled shoot while I was up in Anchorage, so I could take full advantage of the gorgeous, snowy landscape.  Here are some of my favorites from that shoot!  I partnered with an amazing bridal shop in Anchorage, Fabulous Frocks, which happens to be owned by a gal I went to high school with!  I didn't know it when I emailed her and when I walked into the shop to meet up, I was like, "Whaaat?! Hey!!"  Going home to Anchorage always feels like I'm in such a small town, despite it being the largest city in Alaska.  Anyway,  Tara from Fabulous Frocks set us up with our amazing accessories.  Jewelry, veils, headbands, she blinged us out.  BHLDN provided two incredible gowns and I'm a little over the moon in love with their penelope gown.  I may or may not have tried it on and flounced around in the mirror, because holy gorgeous.  


My models are the amazing Corina and Molli.  I'm actually shooting Molli's real wedding in August and it was so much fun to do a "dry run" bridal shoot with her!  Another friend from high school, Tess Weaver, did makeup and I love the berry lip and eyeshadow she gave Molli.  Aren't Molli's eyes killer?  For Corina, we went with a brighter look with pink lids and fresh face.  Andrea Moss was our hair gal and she rocked it out with their loose updos!
Molli rocked a more vintage inspired old-hollywood glam bridal look, and I found a perfect vintage jacket in my mom's closet that happened to be my grandma's old coat!  I had never seen it before!  It actually turned out to be great because, like Matt and Emilee's shoot, temperatures were still hovering around 8ºF for this shoot.  Molli wore the Francine gown from BHLDN.
Corina's dress was definitely a bit more frothy and ethereal and I loved how the low sun filtered through the layers of soft tulle.  I think if I got married again I'd definitely have to consider the Penelope gown as an option because it's just so magical.  Floaty and effortlessly pretty!  Definitely a twirl-worthy gown.


 


 

I made both the girls' bouquets from flowers at Alaska Wholesale Flower Market, which was really fun.  I'm a little obsessed with big, lush, overflowing bouquets at the moment.  Lots of greenery and texture.  Sometimes I think people forget about using greenery and go for more flowers, but I think greenery is such a great way to add fullness without spending a ton of money on fancy flowers.  

We shot on the Hillside in Anchorage, and then drove out the road down to Beluga Point for some more expansive landscape shots and on our way back we had to pull over for the most incredible sunset.  I couldn't believe the pastel colors in the sky as the sun hovered right at the horizon.  There were tons of photographers and tourists snapping away at the same location and we actually got paparazzi'd by the local newspaper and were in the paper the next day!  So funny!

I've been loving doing styled shoots lately, they're so great for inspiration, exploring creativity, and expanding skills.  I'm doing a styled shoot this Saturday with a great local wedding + event planner which I think is going to be a blast!  It's so inspiring to team up with talented local folks and put together something really fun and exciting.  

rosemary gimlet

ife goals: be a full time cocktail photographer.  I'm sort of joking, but I don't know what it is about shooting cocktails, they're just one of my most favorite things to photograph!  Maybe I just need to publish a cocktail recipe book so I have an excuse to shoot a ton of cocktails, eh?  Yup.  Sounds like a plan.  At this point, though, this hypothetical cocktail book will have to wait a few months because I've got tons of stuff happening in the next couple months, ack!  
I'm super excited about everything planned, though, well, except taxes.  Taxes can suck it.  But other than that, the next couple months are full of some crazy amazing stuff!  I've got a bunch of styled shoots coming up that are going to be so much fun.  Our Adventures in Oz burlesque show is on stage again in April and this time we're doing two shows!  The next two months are going to be full of tons of practice, choreography, and costuming.  I'm doing a new part in the show this time and I'm giddy about it!  I'll give you a hint: my hair color is very apropos.  This march I'm going to California for a big website rebrand and launch, and it's the first time I'll have had outside help doing my website, I've always DIY'ed everything but I'm ready for a change and super excited about getting a fresh space that feels "me."  Then, the day after that, I fly to Texas to speak at TxSC Camp!  Holy whoa!  "Spring," March especially, is usually rough here in the PNW.  I always think it should be warming up and starting to feel more like, well, spring, but it's typically the most wet and grey part of the year, and drags on for far too long.  It'll be nice to have all this busyness to keep me preoccupied.  
Oh right, back to cocktails.  I've been having a gin moment lately.  I had one briefly in college, but haven't had much in the way of gin in the last five years.  I got a bottle a few months ago, though, and am appreciating the flavor quite a bit these days!  It's such an interesting spirit with a very distinct flavor that makes it pretty cool to pair with other flavor profiles.  I'm loving it with citrus, especially.  I've always been more drawn to smokier flavors, but gin is just so bright and fresh!  It's a nice change of pace.  



Rosemary Gimlet (recipe via savor home)
4 oz rosemary honey simple syrup
4 oz gin
3 oz fresh lime juice
1 tbsp sugar, for sugar rim
1 rosemary sprig, for garnish

First, get your glasses ready. Add sugar to a plate, run a lime over the rim of each glass and dip the rim in sugar to coat.

Fill your cocktail shaker halfway with ice, add simple syrup, gin, and lime juice.

Shake the cocktail for about 30 seconds, or until the shaker gets frosty and freezing cold.

Pour the cocktail into your rimmed glasses, and add a sprig of rosemary to garnish.  Recipe makes two cocktails.

...the sun rose without you darling, and it's a beautiful day

s you know, I'm not a big valentine's day person.  I like having an excuse to celebrate love, whether it's for a significant other, a best friend, yourself, but I know that today can be a really hard day for some people.  It certainly has been for me in the past.  It can be heart wrenching, sometimes, to watch people happy and in love getting flowers and chocolate and kisses when all you can feel is the ache in the pit of your chest.  I was over at Babe Vibes today reading the stories of heartbreak from women around the world.  It was a refreshing change from most of the valentine's day content, and I really appreciated how it acknowledged that this day sometimes isn't about love.  Valentine's day isn't sunshine and rainbows for everyone, and it can hurt, but reading other people's stories about heartbreak can show how the pain isn't the end of the story, it's just a part of it.  

I was inspired to share an old post of mine.  Despite being a raw, vulnerable post about heartbreak, it's always been a favorite of mine.  By the time I was able to write this post and take the pictures of these texts I was starting to talk to Dan more, via texts, phone calls, and Facebook, and I think maybe feeling the hint of maybe being able to let myself love again was what helped me start healing and write this post.  It's been almost 5 years exactly since I wrote this in February of 2010, and it's amazing to think about all the things that have happened since I was in the throes of that heartbreak.  In that winter of 2009/2010 I couldn't imagine loving again, I couldn't picture myself ever being able to trust anyone else with my heart.  I had trusted James with it so wholly and in the end I was left shattered.  Healing was a slow process, painfully slow at times, and I felt gun-shy and insecure for a long time.  

If this Valentine's Day is marked by heartache rather than roses, it's okay.  It's okay to feel shitty on Valentine's day.  It's okay to hate this day and be angry and sad and hurt.  But know that heartache isn't the end of the story, it's just one chapter.  And you're a strong, badass lady, even if you don't feel like it when you're curled up on your bathroom floor crying into disintegrating pieces of toilet paper covered with smudged eyeliner.  Your heart is stronger than you think, and it's capacity for healing is otherworldly.  So, Happy Valentine's Day, because even if you don't feel like it, you are loved and you are worthy and you are beautiful.  Even with smudged eyeliner and puffy cry face.

"This post is going to be a little (okay a lot) more personal than my usual posts. I keep my personal life out of my blog mainly because I like this to be a sanctuary for me. When I'm blogging, I don't have to think about the rest of the world, it's a perfectly wonderful place full of nice people, pretty pictures, and encouraging words. And, honestly, this blog has been the one thing that has kept me going at times, the one thing I look forward to when I feel like everything around me is crumbling.

Back in June, the love of my life decided that I was no longer the love of his life. I immediately moved out of Spokane, where I'd lived for four years, and sought sanctuary with my family on the west coast of Washington. I promised myself I wouldn't cry, and I didn't. I didn't cry for months. I refused. Then, when we came back to Alaska, everything fell apart. Not literally, I mean, my life is perfect, really. But, when the person you thought was going to spend forever with you on this big adventure of life leaves, it's not something that just goes away. Coming to terms with him leaving, well, I'm still not sure I have. The things he told me... I just don't know how someone says those things one day and then another day does not mean them anymore. I'm not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me or tell me someone even better will love me someday.

Anyway, it's taken months for me to reach this point. It felt like I was in a horrific car wreck, and I was stuck in traction. I pushed everyone out of my life because I was too proud to admit I failed. Figuratively, I didn't want anyone to see me in that condition, strapped to a hospital bed, covered in casts. He got out of the wreck unscathed. He moved on, I was crushed- incapacitated by grief. My favorite human being no longer desired me. Four months later I was crying myself to sleep on a daily basis, sobbing into the blankets, stifling my cries– he was in Germany, dating a new girl. I could hear him calling her "darling" and "girl," "cutie" and "sweetie" like he used to call me.

It still hurts sometimes. But I've healed. The casts are off. I'm doing great in my physical therapy. I'm walking on my own. You guys have been a major part of that. All your kind words lifted me up on a daily basis. Every comment made me smile.

I don't want to be a downer, but I've finally been able to get to a point where I could do this and I wanted to share it with you guys. I have kept all his most wonderful texts to me since I met him in 2007. I've never been able to delete them, and I still can't bring myself to, but I can finally look through them again without completely falling apart. I've wanted to take macro shots of my favorite ones but it hurt too much until now. I don't really know what these mean to me right now, I'm sure some day it will make sense, but I thought I'd share them with you guys. These aren't all of them (that would be a huge post and many would not make sense to you guys. I mean, my text inbox can only fit like 4 new texts before it's full, so I have a LOT of saved texts. I'm a pack rat, even digitally...), but these are the most meaningful.

I feel like the Brave project is a huge part of the healing process. I can't wait to get out on the road on my own and do something entirely for me, something I'm truly passionate about and that makes me completely and totally happy. It's going to be wonderful and I just can't wait. And I can't wait to bring all of you with me!

va-va-voom valentine

 originally got this dress for our 3rd anniversary date, but I ended up having to go out of town that weekend and we postponed our anniversary date.  Then the holidays happened and we traveled a bunch and then January happened and we did Whole30 and going out to eat or drink was pretty much off the table.  And so... all of a sudden this dress turned into a Valentine's day date dress!  It actually ended up being a perfect red Valentine's dress!  I'd had my eye on this dress for quite a while, actually.  I always adored the classic pinup vibe and the stretchy fabric looked super comfortable.  Feeling comfortable and sexy at the same time?  Holy grail, I say.  This dress comes in a bunch of different colors and fabrics (velvet, ooh la la!).
For everyone who is confused about what my real hair color is right now, it's still green and black.  My hairstory post was referencing the change I made from my natural dark brown to red last January, and I'll be sharing more about the transition from red to my current green.  I posted an instagram with a red wig (which I got so I wouldn't get the itch to dye my hair red again), and now this post also features a wig.  I guess I'm too antsy to stay with one color for too long, which is why wigs are so awesome!  All of the variety and none of the time and money spent in a salon!  I don't consider myself a wig pro, but a lot of people have been asking for tips on wigs, buying them, wearing them, etc, so I'm thinking of putting together a little post (or vlog?!?) about it.  Do you guys have any specific questions you want to ask re: wigs?
 
dress/courtesy of modcloth :: shoes/thrifted :: necklace/handmade :: coat/lulu e. bebe