your femininity is not defined by body hair

I've had part of this post written for months, but today the straw broke the camel's back and I had to finish it.  Because people, I'm over it.  I'm done with this idea that, as a grown woman, its gross, undesirable, unfeminine for me to have body hair.  I hear this message over. and over. and over in our culture.  But yesterday I heard it in probably the most unapologetic way I've heard it yet:


Don't worry, there's at least three other similar ads from the same campaign for your viewing pleasure.

I'm a woman.  I'm a grown-ass woman.  I may only be 5'1" but I'm a grown ass woman.  My culture tells me that to be sexy or feminine I have to "groom" my lady hair, which really just means removing it.  Now I don't care what your personal preference is regarding the "grooming" of your own body hair, but can we all agree that telling an entire culture of women that having hair anywhere other than their heads is unsexy... is totally and completely ridiculous?  Is it just me?  It can't be, right?

I shave my legs and armpits.  Not every single day (in fact, it's usually more like once or twice a week, sorry, Veet), but I do, as do many women in America.  I've gotten a Brazillian twice and I think I've hit my quota for my entire life on any sort of wax type substance or razor ever going near that area ever again.  I don't think that it's wrong to remove body hair if you want to, but the message that it's inherently unfeminine is profoundly damaging.  As a girl growing up in America, body hair was a stressful subject for me, or at least it used to be.  I have a lot of hair, and it's not just on my head.


We're pretty obsessed with youth in our American culture, especially when it comes to beauty.  We want to avoid wrinkles, keep the flat tummy we had at 16, and never go grey... but this preoccupation with youth also leads to elevating the hairless bodies of prepubescent girls as that of ultimate sexiness, and oddly enough, ideal womanliness.  I've heard from plenty of men that porn has absolutely informed their ideas of what's sexy, and unfortunately a lot of porn is populated with absolutely hairless (or meticulously groomed) girls.  How many men do you have to encounter who hold this idea that women with body hair are gross or unsexy before it starts to make you want to look like women in pornography?  I have a friend who removed her hair for years because the boys she dated were turned off by it.  Now that she's single, she's let her hair grow and has felt a new appreciation for her womanly body.  It makes her feel sensual and beautiful and natural.  It's soft and traps pheromones.  Her ex is confused at her new "obsession" with pubic hair.  He doesn't get it.  Hey buddy, we're not obsessed with body hair, we just happen to have it and don't find it bothersome.

I wasn't much bothered by my own possession of a bushy nether region until I was in my 20's and informed by a boyfriend that he was extremely turned off by body hair.  I was devastated.  Someone you love telling you that, essentially, your body is gross and unsexy... it hits you in one of the most vulnerable places, quite literally.  Revealing your body to someone is incredibly vulnerable, and typically you do it only when you trust the person to accept you as you are.  So there I was, feeling gross.  Because of how my body naturally looks (and is supposed to look).  And you know what?  That's absolute bullshit.  I get that people have sexual preferences and that some people are turned off by some things, but HI THIS IS HOW MY BODY JUST IS.  Also, hi this is how nearly every woman's body is.  My lady business hasn't looked like a porn star's lady biz since I was like seven.
photo via girlpower
Recently, Petra Collins, a photographer for ROOKIE Mag, had her instagram account deleted, due to the presence of her pubic hair (see top left photo), even though the same photo sans hair would be commonplace.

"I'm used to the fact that images of unaltered women are seen as unacceptable. I've taught myself to ignore it (as much as I can) and through the Internet (via sites like ROOKIE) and social media platforms (like Instagram and Facebook) I've been able to freely share images and start discussions about these issues. Recently, I had my Instagram account deleted. I did nothing that violated the terms of use. No nudity, violence, pornography, unlawful, hateful or infringing imagery. What I did have was an image of MY body that didn't meet society's standard of "femininity." The image I posted was from the waist down wearing a bathing suit bottom in front of a sparkly backdrop. Unlike the 5,883,628 (this is how many images are tagged #bikini) bathing suit images on Instagram (see here and here) mine depicted my own unaltered state -- an unshaven bikini line. Up until this moment, I had obviously seen and felt the pressure to regulate my body, but never thought I would literally experience it."

Back in 2011 I was the leader of a group of high schoolers at a summer camp and overheard one of my male interns talking about a girl who had "poor hygiene" because she had pubic hair.  I may or may not have slightly ripped him a new one explaining to him that it's not poor hygiene to have pubic hair (I imagine he himself possessed some generous pubes and didn't consider it a hygiene issue).  But it was one of those moments where I realized that men out there not only are learning to find body hair on women unsexy, but they even think it's poor hygiene for a woman to have it.


Girls, I don't know what you've been told, either directly from boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, or indirectly from tv ads, shows, books, movies, but having body hair is not gross.  You get to choose what you want to do about it, it's nobody else's choice.  If you want to wax it all off every two weeks, fine by me.  If you want to go au naturale, awesome.  If you want to shave your legs and pits, cool.  But lets not continue this ridiculous message to the next generation that the only way to be feminine and sexy is to be hairless prepubescent porn stars.  There is never one way to be feminine or sexy.  In fact there are as many ways to be feminine and sexy as there are women.  You do you, ladies.

BACK TO BASICS // black dress two

I always know it's officially spring when I drag these wedges out.  They're about four years old now and I've glued the fraying rope back to the wedge probably three times by now.  One thing that I really dislike about the general fashion community is how disposable clothes are viewed these days.  I say "general" fashion community because I know plenty of people who love thrifting, investing in high quality pieces that will last, and buying tried and true vintage pieces.  I haven't shopped at Forever 21 or Target (oh Target clothing section, how I miss thee), or other "fast fashion" places in about a year and while I occasionally wish I could just go out and buy some cheap, cute clothes just to infuse my wardrobe with something new and fun, I also don't miss it all that much.  
In some ways it reminds me of when I was in high school.  Living in Anchorage, there weren't a ton of options for buying new clothes.  Dimond Mall had a few popular stores (Old Navy, Gap, Pac Sun), as did the 5th Avenue Mall, so it wasn't uncommon to go to school and see someone wearing the cute shirt you just bought.  I decided to start shopping at thrift stores instead, to avoid showing up at school in the same outfit as someone else, and I found it was a way more creative way to shop.  I wasn't a fashion plate in high school by any stretch of the imagination, but I definitely developed a bit of style philosophy back then, little as it may be.

 

dress(similar)/thrifted :: blazer(similar + similar) + shoes (similar)/courtesy of modcloth  glasses/courtesy of bonlook shell necklace/courtesy of adorn by sarah lewis :: amethyst necklace/handmade

BACK TO BASICS // black dress one

A new week, a new basic to remix!  This week I'll be remixing a basic black dress.  Of course you can't really see the top of the dress in these photos, since I styled a top over it, but it's just a simple tank-top style sleeveless dress with a bit of volume at the bottom.  I'm pretty sure I've only worn this dress once in the entire time I've had it, which is at least two years.  I found it at the thrift store and thought it was really cute, but then it ended up being one of those things I just couldn't get inspired to wear.  So this week will be good to bring it out and give it some well deserved attention.  I believe it's originally from H&M, but it's a pretty standard black dress.
This first look is a bit more eclectic and colorful.  Today has been the hottest day of the year so far (my phone says it's 70ºF!), so bright colors and heart shaped sunglasses felt appropriate.  I probably could've done without the cardigan, even, but I loved the color and it helped when I was in the shade and caught a breeze.  
Well, it's the most beautiful day I've seen in months so I'm gonna hop off the computer and soak in some rays while I still can.  Happy Monday, y'all!



dress(similar)+ top(similar)/thrifted :: necklace/courtesy of noonday collection shades(similar)/gift :: shoes(similar)/courtesy of blowfish shoes :: cardigan(similar)/gap 

BACK TO BASICS // black tee five

Having photos taken of myself is so commonplace now it's almost comical.  As I was setting up my tripod for these photos, a few walkers and runners passed by and I waited for them to move out of my background before continuing.  One of them was running towards me from the background of these photos as I was just setting up, getting my focus set, and figuring out my other settings.  He slowed down and stopped as he was about to pass me, took out his earbuds and I braced for the questions about what I was doing, but instead he goes, "Did you just take a picture of me?!" I said no, as I hadn't even taken any photos yet, and he goes, "are you sure?!"  "Um, yes.  Very sure."  It was one of the more odd encounters I've had.  Usually people are weirded out by the fact that I'm taking photos of myself, not thinking that I'm taking photos of them.  I'm not entirely sure what his beef with having his photo taken was, but it was a reminder that it's not normal for most people to have photos taken of themselves on a daily basis.  I was chatting with my tax prep gal and she was taking about being photographed and how she avoids it like the plague.  Most photos of my grandma also include her hand shoving into the lens.  I love the idea of having life documented, and it's so fun for me to look back at photos of me and Dan from years ago, or of Dusty just a few months ago when she was a tiny fluffball. 
I remember Danielle did a post a while ago about how we edit out "unattractive" photos of ourselves, ignoring the fact that the photo might have special people in it, or document a special time.  We can't see past the fact that we have a stupid face, or had a bad hair day.  But that photo becomes precious when a person in the photo dies or moves away and we realize that the important part of the photo isn't how great we look, but the moment that it captured and the loved ones by our side.  We also realize that we aren't judging the other people in the photo the way we judge ourselves.  We see our nit-picky little flaws and decide the photo is awful, but we never nit-pick the other people in the photo that same way, failing to realize that other people who see the photo probably aren't going to notice the little fold of armpit fat that one time we wore a tank top.

 

top(similar)/thrifted :: cardigan + skirt/courtesy of modcloth necklace/handmade :: boots(similar) + leggings/target

BACK TO BASICS // black tee four

This dress and cardigan are two of my most remixed items in my wardrobe, so it's no surprise they popped up in this challenge.  I'm going to guess the cardigan will probably make another appearance... maybe two.  I've decided to finish the last week of the challenge with a Chambray buttondown top.  I used to have one, but I think it made its way to goodwill some time ago so I'll be thrifting for one in the next couple weeks.  I love the idea of having a chambray top again, the more I think about it the more I think that it's a great basic.  What's kind of funny is that my mom loves basics.  It got to the point that it became a joke between us that she only owns white or black tee shirts.  I, on the other hand, have a crazy closet filled with colors and patterns and almost no basics.  Since my exploration of my own personal style started back in college I've had a lot of fun going shopping with my mom, helping her to branch out from her basics rut.  
I think one of my favorite things about becoming an "adult" is my relationship with my parents.  It's cool to go from being a kid with parents, to having your parents be your friends.  It was so awesome to be up in Anchorage in March, just hanging out with my parents.  We went out to eat at old favorite spots and hip new places that've opened up since I moved away.  My mom and I went to yoga together a couple times.  My Dad and I went to Aces hockey games.  I love experiencing that transition from authority-figure-parents to friend-parents.  Of course, it probably helps that I'm not a teenager being held hostage by raging hormones and emotions any more.  Hopefully someday I'll get to live in the same town as my parents again.  I'd love to have regular lunch dates with my dad and cocktail nights with my mom.  In college I used to call home every Sunday night to chat with my family, but these days the calls are much more infrequent.  Life gets busy and the habit just isn't there any more.  For now I'm looking forward to seeing my mom in a couple weeks when she's in town for a little visit!

 
dress/lulu's :: cardigan/courtesy of modcloth :: shoes/minnetonka shell necklace/courtesy of adorn by sarah lewis :: long necklace/handmade photos by Dan