time flies

A new week.  How do we get here over and over again?  Wasn't it Monday just yesterday?  Time is such a crafty little fox.  It seems to get better at tricking me as I get older too.  When we were kids days and weeks dragged on, lasting forever.  I miss those endless days as a child.  Especially summer days of waking up in the morning and playing until... well, in Alaska the sun didn't go down far enough for it to get dark, but you know what I mean.  Until your parents told you to come inside and brush the dirt off.  I wish adult days lasted that long.  Remember when an hour seemed like an eternity?  Now it's like an hour is nothing.  I have an hour to do something?  That's not enough time!  I sit down to write a few sentences and look up and an hour has passed already.  I wake up, open my laptop to check email, facebook, etc, and the next thing I know I've been awake and hour and my cereal is gone and coffee is half drank.  

 

top/courtesy of wildlife works :: tandem tour shorts + cardigan/courtesy of modcloth necklace/courtesy of adorn by sarah lewis :: tights/target custom hat/courtesy of tittle millinery :: shoes/courtesy of minnetonka

 

on father's day

I was lucky enough this year to actually get to spend Fathers Day with my Dad in person!  My parents were down here the past week doing some work, and are currently at the airport on their way back to Alaska, but they stopped by this morning and I made a Fathers Day brunch for them.  As I was laying in bed last night I was composing a Father's day post, and I thought about getting out of bed to write, but knew I had to wake up early to go out and buy bacon (Fathers Day brunch without bacon?!  No way), so I shelved my thoughts and decided I'd write something today.

For some reason my mind was fixated on the extraordinary ways in which my father has been a dad.  Perhaps it was an article I'd read yesterday about premature infants and advances in NICU care for critically ill babies.  My brother Ben was born with barely a 10% chance of surviving his first two weeks of life.  His heart was severely deformed, and on top of that he had Sotos Syndrome (which is somewhat similar to Downs, but obviously different, just not as widely known).  Not being a parent I can only imagine the heartbreak of taking a son home, not to nurture to grow strong, but to love for as many days as possible until having to say goodbye.  Those of you who have been around the blog for a while know that my brother has outlived that 2 week survival estimate by about 24 years.

When I laugh about being stressed out about having a kid and being freaked out about nurturing a child and "keeping it alive," I'm mostly joking.  My Dad, on the other hand, has literally kept my brother alive, on more than one occasion.  The summer before my 8th grade year on an August evening, my mom picked me up from the barn where I was working and drove me home.  As we turned the corner onto our street, we found our driveway clogged with emergency vehicles.  Firetrucks, Ambulances, Cops, EMTs everywhere.  There wasn't room for us to park, so my mom pulled the minivan onto the front yard.  I was out of the car before it stopped moving.  In my young mind, I was convinced my Dad was the cause of the emergency.  He had surely fallen off the roof or something, as he was always working on the house, doing projects.  It wasn't.  It was my brother.  A pale blue, redheaded boy came wheeling around the corner on an ambulance gurney, surrounded by EMT's desperately trying to keep him alive.  What I learned later was that the person who actually had kept him alive was my dad.

My youngest brother and his friend had found Ben, unconscious on the side of our house, crushed into moist earth and not breathing.  They ran to my Dad who told them to have the neighbor boy's parents call 911, and then immediately ran to Ben to start CPR.  I can only imagine turning that corner to find your precious son, your miracle son who had outlived his 2 week deadline by 10 years, laying lifelessly on the ground.  I can't imagine it, in fact.  I can't.  I can't imagine checking his pulse– none.  Checking his pupils– fixed and dilated.  And then proceeding to give my entire being to bring the clinically dead body laying before me back to life.  Compressions. Breaths. Compressions. Breaths. Compressions.  The EMTs arrive and try respirating with a bag, but it's not working.  He pushes them out of the way and proceeds doing it himself.  Compressions. Breaths. Finally they get Ben on the gurney, wheel him to the ambulance, and he's gone.  I'm left in the driveway with our neighbors, and I can't remember if it started raining, or I just remember it that way because I can't imagine the whole Earth not sobbing in that moment.

Someday I will be able to more completely understand what it means to have a child.  What it means to imagine losing them.  And hopefully not having to come face to face with it, as my father has.  I hope to never have to be a parent the way my father has.  To never have to be shocked by my son's pacemaker trying to give him CPR again a few years later, when he goes down again.  To never have to bring home a tiny blue baby, who I try desperately not to grow attached to because I know I'll have to bury him in a few short weeks.

But while my dad has been through things I never want to have to go through as a parent, I can only pray I'll be as good a parent as him.  Someone who fought tooth and nail to keep his child alive.  Not once.  Not twice.  Over and over.  Someone who never gave up believing that miracles could happen.  Someone who fought to keep his child alive, despite knowing he might be severely disabled, both physically and mentally.  My dad has taught me so much over the years.  How to work on cars, on houses, on boats, on anything really.  How to drive a stick.  How to tie to a cleat properly.  How to drive a boat.  Almost how to fly a plane (never got my license).  How to take apart a dashboard and put it all back together.  How to camp in -20º F weather.  I can't count the amount of projects we've worked on together.  We've landed on mountaintops and bristol bay, served espresso to mushers on the Iditarod Trail, boated through the Lake Union locks, commercial fished, drove cross country, and more.  He's always made me feel like I could do anything I put my mind to.  He's helped me with his time, with his finances, with his sweat, and with his tears.  But for some reason this year, I'm struck by what he taught me about being a parent and giving everything to your kids, even if it means giving them CPR on the side of your house.  Even if it means having a disabled child.  Even if it means flying to Boston last minute for experimental surgery to keep your baby, who was only supposed to live 2 weeks, alive a little longer.  I can't imagine having a more incredible man to call my father.

wed // molly + daniel's seattle mv skansonia ferry wedding

Molly is one of my good friends from college, so it was wonderful to be able to take part in her wedding in such a special way.  Molly was actually one of my bridesmaids in my wedding!  I met Daniel at her Christmas party, and the next thing I new the two were a pair!  Despite living only a few minute south of Seattle, I didn't make it up to Seattle to get to know Daniel better until I shot their engagement photos and was thrilled to have the opportunity to get to know him better.  We walked around the Ballard Farmer's Market, got coffee, and finished the day with some fish and chips down by the Locks.  And only a few short months later... this beautiful day!
When Molly told me about the venue I fell in love.  A vintage ferry renovated into a wedding venue?  It's perfect!  And even though they are moving to the other side of the world, they'll always have the memory of the city where they met and fell in love, and getting married with the Space Needle in the background.  
It was really cool to get to see Daniel interact with his family.  They're so vibrant and tight knit, and man do those people know how to dance!  And there was much dancing. Almost all the guests were on the dance floor at one point, doing a line dance led by Daniel's brother.  So much fun, and a blast to photograph!  Thanks, Daniel and Molly, for letting me be a part of your special day!  And a big thanks to JTobiason Photography for being my second shooter.  Check out his images from the day here!
 




 







 




 













 



 

nineteen seventy

This old girl has been a bit fussy lately.  One of those fix-one-thing-another-thing-breaks type of scenarios.  Hopefully she'll be up and running soon.  It's weird to think I've already had her over a decade.  One of our friends walked by and was talking about how he just bought a big, old suburban and can literally fit his whole body inside the engine compartment and I laughed.  Over the years of working on this car I've found myself sitting entirely inside her engine compartment many a time.  You could close the hood while I was in there and I'd still be able to move around.  I love how simple old cars are.  I look inside an engine compartment of a car newer than 1990 and it's all computery and looks nothing like an engine.  While I'd love to have an electric car someday, I have no clue how they work whatsoever!  Combustion engines are a bit complicated, but they're pretty straightforward.  



top + shorts/courtesy of modcloth :: shades/vintage
Back when I was 16 or 17, my best friend and I had a silly pin-up photoshoot with this car in my backyard.  We put on bikinis and did our best sexy poses, which weren't very sexy, at least not in retrospect.  I still have the photos laying around on my external hard drive and I run across them every once in a while.  Even though they're terrible, I still love thinking back on those silly high school times. I'm reminded of staying up late, watching movies, and eating brownie batter.  Passing notes in class (is that a thing of the past now that texting exists?  If so, what a shame).  Getting our hearts broken by stupid boys.  So strange to think that I'm the grown-up version of that person.  Well, at least in 16 year old me's mind, 26 year old me was "grown up."  Who knows if I'll ever actually feel or be grown up.

friends forever

I've been pretty busy this week.  Lots of last minute design work and photo editing!  Some of that design work included revamping my best friend's resume so she can start looking for jobs in Tacoma!  I'm super excited to be able to hang out with my best friend consistently.  We haven't lived in the same place since we graduated high school in 2005.  Come to think of it, we haven't even lived closer than 2000 miles.  We've been able to visit once in a while, whether its both of us being home in Alaska for Christmas break, or stopping by on a random trip, or her being in town to be the MOH in my wedding. I think she'll love this town, though the rainy winters might be a deal breaker.  I'm stoked to give her the grand tour of one of my favorite cities.  She's visited a few times and knows a few of my special spots here, but there's so much more, and a lot of new places have opened up since then!  She's really excited to try out rock climbing, too, so that'll be fun to share with her.
Honestly, it's just going to be so wonderful to be able to share physical space with one of my favorite human beings.  Someone who knows me more than almost anyone else on the planet.  Someone who can know what I'm thinking without saying a word.  Someone who's been through every experience with me since we were 13 years old.  It's so refreshing to be able to hang out with someone and not have to do the whole background story thing.  You can make references to past inside jokes and know that the person will get it instantly.  You don't have to explain what you mean when you say something, they just understand exactly where you're coming from. 

 

dress + shoes/courtesy of modcloth :: bag/courtesy of my remedy :: shades/courtesy of lulu's turquoise necklace/courtesy of peerless charm :: quartz necklace/courtesy of lisa leonard