honesty and openness in an online world

The other day I was thinking about how I want my mom to start a blog, and as I thought about it, I wanted to tell her, "Don't water yourself down!  I want to read your blog with all your amazing insights and thoughts!"  But I realized that really, that's harder than it sounds.  I try to do that here on my blog, and it doesn't always happen.  Sometimes I don't have anything to say, so I end up saying something inconsequential about what I'm wearing or the weather.  And I think it's okay to not say anything profound if you don't have anything profound to say.  I don't have deep thoughts every second of my day, and some days when I'm blogging I sit in front of my computer for a long-ass time trying to squeeze something interesting out of my brain to accompany my photos.

But sometimes there are things I think about, and want to share on the blog, but it's the internet.  And the internet can be a scary place, people.  For one, it's everyone.  Everyone is on the internet.  Not just your friends.  Not just people who agree with you.  Not just nice, courteous people.  Not just people who would ignore you if they disagree with you.  Not just people who would discuss controversial things in an open and nice manner.  Everyone.... the kindest person you'll ever meet, serial killers, your mom, trolls, people from high school, your boss, racists, people from other cultures, people from other faiths, your ex-husband, people who hate you and have never met you, people who love you and have never met you, americans, germans, russians, who knows maybe even space aliens are tuning into Reddit.  That's a lot of people, and an almost infinite amount of different perspectives, opinions, and backgrounds.  The fact is, you can't appeal to all of them.  But, at least for me, my initial reaction is to want to.  I want to appeal to as many people as possible, mostly out of my desire to not offend anyone or put anyone off, or (horror-of-horrors) have someone dislike me.

In real, non-internet life (you know, where you're meeting people in person...) you have so much more control over someone's impression of you.  You have charisma, body language, tone of voice, words.  You can tell how someone is reacting to you.  You can tell if they misunderstood something you said by if their body language or facial cues are telling you they didn't get it, or are having the opposite reaction you expected.  At that moment you can ask if they understood, or clarify what you said to try and clear up any misunderstanding.  Online, you get none of that.  We aren't creatures built for communication over the internet.  We're built for person-to-person physical interaction.  But here we are in this modern age, where most of our communication is in the form of email, facebook, text message, or some other text-based interaction.


Blogs, at least personal blogs, come into a weird place within this whole issue of impersonal communication.  We try to be honest and open, to share our humanity and our lives.  We understand that there is great power in creating those connections with other human beings.  To show that we aren't alone in the things we're going through.  Every time I've ever written a more personal blog post, the amount of comments along the lines of, "I'm going/went through the same thing" always amazes me.  Even I think that I'm alone in what I'm going through sometimes, and connecting with blog readers through comments can be extremely reassuring and comforting.  But while there's that positive aspect, there's also a tremendous fear associated with writing more open, honest, and personal posts.  It's vulnerable.  And vulnerability, plus the accessibility of the internet to everyone... that's kind of scary.  Usually when you are vulnerable, you get to choose who you are being vulnerable around.  You choose that list of people very carefully, because when you're vulnerable, you're much more susceptible to being hurt.  You choose those people carefully because you know they'll respect your vulnerability.

So the catch-22 of the internet and personal blogging?  How do you open up and allow those connections to be made with people, when you can't control who you're being vulnerable with?  Well, you can't.  Because it's the internet.  You just can't.  You have to choose to be vulnerable with everyone.  You have to expect that not everyone will respect your vulnerability.  Some people will misunderstand you.  Some people will flat out disagree with you.  Some people will be rude.  But most people will appreciate your vulnerability and connect with it.  The hard part is accepting the people who don't respect your vulnerability.  Sometimes it means growing a bit of a thick skin, because you can't take every hurtful, rude, insensitive comment to heart.

I want to create a space here on this little web-real-estate where those human connections are made.  I want to share life experiences and allow vulnerability to create those links to one another.  It's not always easy, but I feel like it's important.

Q + A // tips on how to get my haircut

I'd definitely recommend taking in photos of the cut you want, so if that means printing of some pictures of my hair from my blog, go ahead! I've had people do that before.  Keep in mind that unless your hair has similar curl to mine, cutting it like mine might not result in your hair looking like mine.  If your hair is curlier or straighter it'll probably look a bit different.  If you do want your hair curlier, I know that perm technology is better than when you'd end up looking like one of the Golden Girls. These days your stylist could probably give you something more similar to natural curls like mine.  I've never had any experience with perming, though so that's definitely a question for your stylist.

I cut my own hair, as I've never been to a stylist who knew how to cut curly hair and I've always left the salon with something other than what I had wanted.  Since curly hair is very forgiving, I cut my own hair at home, which means I save a lot of dough not having to go to the stylist every time I want a trim or cut!  And at least if I screw it up, I didn't pay a ton of money to be disappointed and the only person to blame is myself.

 

 

Here are some more specifics on my cut, which you can share with your stylist.  I usually have very short layers on top and then a bit longer layers under that, and then so on to blend to whatever length I'm at.  So when my hair was super long I had tons of layers at different lengths, but now that my hair is shorter there's only about three layers in it. Because my hair is curly, if I have it all at one length, it starts to get that triangle/pyramid-head look to it, because the volume is bigger at the bottom. Layering with shorter layers distributes the volume throughout my hair instead of having it concentrated at the bottom. It also helps keep my curls nice, because the shorter layers don't have as much hair weighing them down and stretching out the curls. I'd say my shortest layer on top can sometimes be as short as 5-6 inches, next 8-9 inches, next 10-12 inches, and so on. Since I cut my own hair, it's not an exact science, and curly hair is super forgiving. I'm sure it's super wonky, but it's hard to tell with the curls.

I usually cut my hair dry, because then you can actually see how the curl is going to react when you cut it and where it will lay.  When you cut wet, you're essentially cutting blind.  This works fine for straight hair, because straight hair lays essentially the same way wet and dry, but my hair behaves radically different when it's wet vs. dry.  I've never been to a stylist who cuts dry, but I've heard that there are some curly hair stylists out there who will do it!

remix archives // denim jacket

I'm actually featuring two different jackets in this post, but they're similar enough that I figured I might as well do both at once. These are such perfect spring and summer jackets.  They don't provide a ton of warmth but are that perfect weight for spring and cool summer days.  Doing these posts now is kind of funny to see my  hair growing!  Both of these jackets were acquired after I cut my hair short, so all of these images are of different stages of growth.  I liked my hair short, but I definitely feel more "me" with it longer.  Sometimes (very very rarely) I think about cutting it into a pixie or something super short, but then I get freaked out about how long it would take to grow out if I hated it.  Yikes!  My hair still feels super short compared to what it used to be.  My ponytail has started swinging around a bit when I workout though, which hasn't happened since I cut my hair!  Somehow this post became about hair rather than denim jackets... but what really needs to be said about denim jackets anyhow?  They're a style staple and a classic.  Nuff said.

the creative spark

I've been thinking a lot about time lately, as you can probably glean from my last few posts.  Trying to make more time, organize time, save time.  One of the things I miss a lot, which I feel like I don't have time for, is art making.  I never realized what a luxury it was to be an art student.  All you do is make art.  And you're all, "ugh, I have a drawing due on Friday in my Drawing II class, and I have to finish my print series before Monday to present it, and I have this business card to design for my typography class" and then all of a sudden you have no time to make art!  That's not true, I've slowly given that time away.  You have to fight for it, because it's art and it's not like it's bringing home the bacon (unless you're lucky).  
I have a pretty creative lifestyle, but I've realized that most of my creativity is focused on pleasing other people.  I'm never thinking of what I want to draw for myself, I'm always trying to decipher what the client wants, not what I want.  But that's how it works if you're not making your living as a studio artist, you're designing for clients.  Which can be great!  I love the design work I've done for clients.  But in some ways I think designing for clients has trained me to not design for myself, because, to think about it in the pavlovian sense, I'm "punished" when I do something I want because then (sometimes) I get feedback from the client saying they don't like it.  No matter how much designing for clients I've done, it's always hard to hear, as an artist having created something you thought was beautiful, when the client says "no, re-do this, I don't like it."  Honestly, it's really an emotional thing to deal with and I think you start unintentionally training yourself to stop trying to even think about making something you like, and focus more on just making the client happy.  And while I like doing design work,  I'm thinking of taking a break from my design work for a few months, so I can have time to put pencil to paper and actually get back to making art for myself.  I think, as an artist, that it's important to be able to hone your own craft and have your own perspective and aesthetic.  And I think that ultimately it's a benefit to a client, because at the end, I'm going to have more creativity to draw on.  At least, that's my mental justification.  

dress/courtesy of elegantees :: jacket/lulu's via swap :: boots/courtesy of blowfish tights/target :: bag + scarf/thrifted :: photos by Dan
I know a lot of artists have dry spells, and I know that I'm not being completely un-creative.  I'm painting our house, doing tons of interior decor, putting together outfits, doing photography and graphic design ... but there is something about that physical act of making marks on a blank canvas.  Something that needs no function other than to be beautiful.  It has no rules, no one can say, "no, move that line over there, change that color to be a bit lighter," it's total freedom and pure creativity.  I need more of that in my life.  Pure, unadulterated creativity.  

more time please

Is there ever enough time to do everything?  It doesn't seem that way lately.  So many things to do, so little time!  I was at the craft store yesterday picking up some things for various projects and I ended up in the paper/scrapbook section and found myself wanting to start a little scrapbook or album documenting our time working on our first house.  All the renovations and changes we're making, and fun times.  But I put the album down and walked out of the store because I just can't even think of when I would have time to sit down and scrapbook, or even just print some photos and stick them in sleeves.  I want to.  I want to have 36 hour days so I can do more!   I want to only need 4 hours of sleep.  I guess I just have to better organize the time I do have.   I've never been very good at having a strict schedule.  I don't feel like my brain works that way, but maybe that's just an excuse to keep from being disciplined.  I've been a lot better about disciplining myself in terms of working out, though.  I never was able to keep up a daily workout schedule, unless I was forced to (like going to track/basketball practice back in high school, or going to fitness classes in college).  But the past six months I've been doing pretty well at working out on a daily basis.  It's not scheduled in terms of what time of day I do it, though it usually ends up being pretty late), but at least I'm disciplining myself to actually get it done, even if it is at 11pm sometimes! 
top/hand-me-down :: jeans/courtesy of modcloth :: boots/target :: belt/thrifted jacket/courtesy of asianicandy :: scarf/gift :: necklace/courtesy of adorn by sarah lewis